Preordained Partings

Uncle PJ is back.

Where to start? I’m brimming with so many anecdotes that if anyone tapped me twice, I would start narrating like a man who has been waiting three years for the mic.

Let’s start with a simple one: relationships.

And relationships don’t always have to be romantic. One can be as tiny as two people exchanging the usual pleasantries in their daily commute for years. One can be as strange as a classmate you barely spoke to but still remember because they once lent you a pen during an exam. One can be a codependent mess of two lovers who know they are bound to break, but neither can because familiarity is a very comfortable prison.

The most intriguing relationships, however, are the ones that pretend to be simple. Especially the classic guy-girl friendship discourse, a topic so overused that even I’m ashamed to touch it. Naturally, I will touch it.

I’m a firm believer in the notion that a guy and a girl can be friends. I’m also a firm believer that if they get close enough, life starts throwing plotlines at them like a bored writer in a writers’ room.

What usually happens?

You transition from acquaintances to friends. So far, so good. You see each other often and gradually become closer. People mistake you for a couple, which you both laugh off a little too quickly. You know each other’s tales, gossip, dark secrets, food preferences, trauma responses, and the names of people you both claim not to care about anymore.

Now you hombres are at an intersection.

Scenario I: You both fall in love.

Not the most probable scenario, but an important one nonetheless. The reason you got so close in the first place must mean there’s something special between the two of you, right? Or maybe humans are just very predictable animals who start feeling attached to anyone they spend enough time with.

Bottom line: you’re in love. Now you’ll either marry and make others jealous because they haven’t found their soulmate yet, or you’ll date for a while, realize there’s no way you can keep up with the way she snores or the way he chews his food, and have a breakup that sucks your entire friend circle into a whirlpool of despair.

Either way, you ain’t friends no more.

Scenario II: One of you falls in love.

Life doesn’t get more theatrical than this. This usually happens when one person is already in a relationship, and the other one can’t help developing feelings. Let us call the infatuated one Alex, because Alex is androgynous and convenient.

Alex takes the course of action we all can guess. Alone in a suspiciously romantic situation with their “best friend,” Alex pours their heart out. Alex has nothing to lose, or so they think, because people in love are terrible accountants of emotional debt.

The other person’s relationship is now in jeopardy, whether they choose to crush Alex’s heart or temporarily forgo all logic. Then for the next few months, there’s so much drama that Broadway could take notes.

Eighty-seven percent of the time, things don’t work out for the Alexes of this world.

Scenario III: Neither of you falls in love.

This is the rare peaceful ending people pretend is the default. You remain friends for a while, maybe very good friends. Then life gets in the way. Jobs, cities, partners, grudges, time zones, birthdays forgotten, messages seen and not answered. You transition to acquaintances as time ticks away, and then, if life is feeling poetic, into distant memories.

Ergo, my logic is infallible.

Now now, calm down. Lower your pitchforks. I’m open to dialogue. Head over to the Contact Me section and drop me a message. I will read all your opinions with an open mind, mutter “wrong” under my breath, and continue evolving as a person.

While I’m out for blood, I feel like taking a swing at a particular demographic as well: influencers. Also people with “Rider” in their @.

God, they test me. Not all of them, obviously. Some people make genuinely useful things online. But the ones who call themselves influencers with the spiritual confidence of a minor deity? Please. You don’t always care about “influencing” people. A lot of you care about views, reach, getting out there, launching a clothing brand, and convincing us that an overpriced sneaker belongs in a glass case instead of on a foot.

Sneakers were made to be worn. This is not a controversial thesis.

Lastly, to my readers, apologies for disappearing. There were some things I had to take care of. I plan on increasing the size of these blogs and maybe sticking to a schedule. Open to suggestions. Head over to Contact Me.

Peace.